Elf Pez- "It's
the typical story- [Santa] and his friends go out and have a great
time with Pez collectors all over the world, and I'm stuck up
here in the toy workshop, putting the finishing touches on a He-Man
action figure."
Faceless
Santa- "Turn-Ons: Being a Pez dispenser, of course; Turn-Offs:
Making children cry due to lack of face"
Mrs
Claus- "And if you get the feeling that despite all your efforts
you will still be getting a lump of coal in your stocking, my
best advice is to start passing out Pez candy to everyone you
meet. Grape, lemon, cola, peppermint, it doesn't matter. If you
truly commit to sharing fruity goodness with anyone and everyone,
you'll be on that nice list in no time."
Crystal
Polar Bear- "For me, not only being crystal but also a Christmas
dispenser, I'd like to think it gives the impression that my head
is made of ice. Which, by the way, I am very glad is not the case.
Otherwise, I would just melt away and be unable to dispense fruity
goodness to kids of all ages."
Jingle
Pez
To the tune of "Jingle Bells"
Copyright 2001 JoePez Publications
Dashing to
the store,
In my souped-up Pezmobile,
To that Pez display
Which has so much appeal
(Ho ho ho)
I looked through rows and rows,
Trying best I can,
'Twas bliss when I did come across
A big-head Spiderman.
Oh, Jingle
Pez, Jingle Pez,
Candy and a toy!
Oh what fun collecting is
For ev'ry girl and boy!
Some
Brand New Pez
To the tune of "White Christmas"
Copyright 2010 JoePez Publications
I'm dreaming
of some brand new Pez
In plastic bag or mint on card
In the Christmas section,
A new selection
This year would really warm my heart
I'm dreaming
of some brand new Pez
With patent number five point nine.
May the shelves hold promise next time,
And may some brand new Pez be mine.
I'm dreaming
of some brand new Pez
With some creative card design.
May the shelves hold promise next time,
And may some brand new Pez be mine.
A while back
some senator
Sounded like a noob
When he said the Internet
Was a series of tubes.
How on Earth
can one guy
Be so out of touch?
How often does he surf the web?
I'm guessing not that much.
I'd almost
given up on him,
My towel nearly thrown,
Until one day at Target,
When my mind was blown.
While in the
Christmas aisle
Among the toys and food,
I noticed there was holiday Pez
Inside some plastic tubes.
So I can't
fault the senator,
I think he tried his best,
He simply said "the Internet"
When what he meant was Pez.
Santa
Pez Is Coming To Town
So
yesterday I got the call And made my way out to the mall; Never missed this chance at all Time was short, they needed me. And though I'm nearly 63,
People
will erupt with glee Ev'rytime they stop to see Zany me in Santa's suit.
I sit
there in my hat and boots, Surrounded by those kids so cute
Coming
with a list of loot, On my lap they share their wants. Me, I am quite nonchalant I hear them out, I do not taunt, No, instead I do respond, Giving them a Pez to keep.
They
smile and thank me, sometimes weep, Over to their parents leap,
Telling
of their new-found treat, Offering such happiness. With sights like this, I do profess: Near Christmas' heart is always Pez.
'Twas the Night Before Christmas Pez
'Twas the
night before Christmas Pez, and all through the store
Not a cashier was working, not a clerk on the floor;
The aisles were dark, and the night crew was late,
But some things in life are well worth the wait.
Us Pezheads
were camped out, although cold and wet,
For rumors of new Pez were all over the 'Net.
And the mission that night of this faithful flock
Was to watch when the truck pulled into the dock.
When into the parking lot, there turned such big wheels,
I sprang from the pavement to see what's the deal.
Away to the
loading docks we did take off running,
And though I tripped twice, my speed was still stunning.
The moon was a full one, and I let a howl,
For I sensed a victory from this long Pez prowl.
When we got to the dock and we saw that ramp rise,
My smile was almost as big as my eyes.
Though the
little old driver did shoot us a glare,
The guy they call Nick knew why we were there.
He'd seen us before, he knew why we came,
And yet he yelled out, as if 'twas a game:
"Now, Snickers!
Now, Reese's! And now, Milky Way!
Now Skittles, now Lifesavers, now Tic Tacs, hooray!
To Aisle 14! As fast as we can!
There's candy to stock, to price, and to scan!"
He loaded
his cart with boxes galore,
And after ten minutes he was still loading more.
But unlike before, when our hopes were denied,
That night with a smile Nick waved us inside.
So into that store we all did advance,
Not totally sure how we'd gotten this chance.
But as the cart stopped at Aisle 14,
We all fell so silent at this wondrous scene.
Shelf after shelf was bare as can be,
Just waiting to be stocked with all that candy.
And then, on the cart, was the end of our hunt:
A small cardboard box with "PEZ" on the front.
So Nick simply
nodded and gave us the cue,
And it became clear what we had to do.
I knelt down and tore the top off that box,
And what we beheld sent us all into shock.
The new Christmas Pez, right here in the store!
In glossy green wrappers, there were twenty-four.
'Twas Santa, so jolly, and now with some glasses,
A new Snowman, too, for the Pez-hungry masses.
And the new Polar Bear, with a cap on its head,
Along with a Reindeer Pez, fresh from its sled.
I was so amazed, so beside myself,
For we even had found that rare Christmas Elf!
And then,
in my mind, a thought very weird:
Whenever did Nick grow that long white beard?
And that big round belly, and that nice red suit?
Did that play a part in this grand Pez pursuit?
Then the lights all came on, and the doors opened wide-
How long had we been with this Pez here inside?
We looked up at Nick, but he was not there,
Not even a trace of him, this I do swear.
But I heard him exclaim, as that truck drove from sight,
"Christmas
Pez is for all, and for all a delight!"
Pez Haiku
#18
Dashing through
the snow
Makes it rather hard to load
A Pez dispenser.
Dear
Santa
I know that
last year I was wrong
To send a list five pages long,
So this year it is short and sweet:
Just bring me Pez, that tasty treat.
Pez Haiku
#4
You'd better
not pout,
Cry, or shout; I'm telling you why:
If you do, no Pez.
Stopping
By Walgreens on a Snowy Evening
Whose drug
store this, I think I know,
Upon the street that is called Oak;
Will I find the parking lot
In all this blust'ry wind and snow?
I give the
pedal all I've got,
My little Chevy lands a spot.
I head towards the sliding door
And past the sale on flower pots.
I know quite
well this grand drug store,
I visit once a week or more,
I come here often, yes, because
I know the Pez I'm looking for.
I reach the
aisle of my cause.
But I've no reason for to pause,
And miles to go for Mrs. Claus,
And miles to go for Mrs. Claus.
Pez Haiku #126
Rudolph
with your nose So
bright, won't you lead me to
Some new Pez tonight?
Kringle
There once
was a Pezhead named Kringle
Who was known for his jolly and jingle.
For good boys and girls
He traveled the world,
And Pez would set him atingle.
Pez Haiku
#158
Last Christmas,
you gave
Me your Pez. The very next
Day, put on display.
Prancer
There once
was a Pezhead named Prancer,
Who, when he found Pez, was a dancer.
When asked what should be
Beneath that bright tree,
"Some more Pez" was always his answer.
Pez Haiku #166
Pez is a lot
like
The jelly of the month club:
It keeps on giving.
Vixen
There once
was a Pezhead named Vixen
Whose toy he put candy bricks in.
He often would savor
A single Pez flavor,
But sometimes he'd want be mixin'.
Rudy
There once
was a Pezhead named Rudy
Whose candy was brick-shaped and fruity
His bold sleigh directing
And his Pez collecting
Were his two most critical duties.